I JERK OFF WHENEVER I OPERATE THE GRAVITRON DRUNK

Get ready, sweaters!

Can't wait to hear what sordid tidbits their facial-hair stylist has to share in his candid interview sequences.

If the Chili Peppers don't win Best New Rap Artist I am going to trash my apartment.

Damn.

Early draft of the Steven Tyler Act:

Haven't seen it, but wow—to contextualize a Dr. Seuss character within a human institution like school is to miss the point completely. I mean, Seuss was so intent on establishing unique worlds and averse to cliche that he made up his own words.

Haven't seen it, but wow—to contextualize a Dr. Seuss character within a human institution like school is to miss the point completely. I mean, Seuss was so intent on establishing unique worlds and averse to cliche that he made up his own words.

Shit, I wouldn't even count on the story progressing all the way to the Grinch stealing Christmas in the first installment, The Grinch Begins, in which we learn that at a young age he lost his mother when a reindeer kicked her in the throat on Christmas eve.

Shit, I wouldn't even count on the story progressing all the way to the Grinch stealing Christmas in the first installment, The Grinch Begins, in which we learn that at a young age he lost his mother when a reindeer kicked her in the throat on Christmas eve.

Johnny Depp. I've actually seen pre-shoot stills of him in a white unitard and, for whatever fucking reason, pince-nez and a fedora.

"You're right, babe, this tuxedo's not so bad. I might even put pants on later."

"What it's like."

So this is where you go after you graduate from Burning Man.

Strobe light-induced seizures and a pathological fear of clowns really limit my entertainment options these days, but this looks like something I might enjoy!

Cancer? That's not fair. Chris Brown is waaaaaaaaay more efficient when it comes to trying to kill people.

Cancer? That's not fair. Chris Brown is waaaaaaaaay more efficient when it comes to trying to kill people.

Last night I quietly hoped that she would appear as Sasha Fierce and perform only Sasha Fierce songs, never breaking character, and that the obligatory cameo guest would be Chris Gaines. And they would dance together around a giant holographic middle finger.

Eh, not as solid as your last one, which was the shit.

Hi.