I've been doing my part to stave off scurvy by switching from martinis to tonic with a generous helping of fresh lime juice for a few weeks.

That is not my erotic friend fiction, I swear.

Good question, RTT.  No, great question.   I agree with Dan's advice but I'm not sure it's complete.

You're my favorite feature.

Try almond butter. It's a superior nut.

That would work.  I would get rid of the DVR since Sharknado is the only thing worth putting on there now anyway.

Are you saying this isn't America's finest hour?  Then I no longer wish to live in your America. 
Sharknado is equal to, I don't know, 10 bin Ladens getting smoked in the face.  Maybe the World Series game seven going into extras.  Maybe even equal to a major beer company slightly redesigning the can again.   

*laughs really hard*
*face gets stuck that way*
*also calls Saul*

Do you still live at home? Are you in a basement? Will the show be in your basement? I'd like to spend an evening in your basement.

Hmmm. Tell me more about this "pubic" issue.

Where's Neil Hamburger?

I'd prefer Crystal Ships written by, directed by, and starting Glenn Tennis.

Yo, Wanda lives there, man.

Do what the rest of the guys in your frat do

MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT ASS-PLAY PLEASE!! Jesus Christ. Am I going to have to start sending in my erotic friend fiction again?

What kind of van does he drive?

Uhhhh, could you be more specific? I don't want to go into this looking for a regular dildo and end up contracted for some ass-to-ass floor show.

I think it's an abbreviated sex act that involves spoons and bending over.

No. But I've seen softcore that was less erotic.

Porn set to music is art? This is great news. I'll be classy and only masturbate to art from now on.