Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.

ROD STEWART MAD

Even more specifically, Canadian lesbians.

As the first black female head of the Ku Klux Klan, I'd like to say America stinks!

Three dates and she still won't let me play with her Legos!

Rockefeller is buried in Cleveland next to President James Garfield.

Read that as "fellating on his pastry ass." I think I need some rest.

After he leaves office, I'd like for Joe Biden to be an Ed McMahon-esque sidekick on a late-night show.

I downloaded it and played around a while and I still have no idea what it's supposed to be.

I don't know if you would call that commercial "shilling" though. I have no problem believing Larry the Cable Guy is a long-time Prilosec user.

I want to make an app when I get to heaven
Anyone can develop for mobile OS, and there won't be nothing anymore

They're a reasonable band, get off their case.

Voted down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground.

♫ Everything is awesome
Except that guy Deanwormer he's a dick ♫

The A.V. Club
I hate this news but I love this article

I'M OLYMPIC ELECTRIC SPY
I'M BOB COSTAS' INFECTED EYE

The "autobiography" of Buddy Cole by Scott Thompson and Paul Bellini is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

I was very surprised to learn what Carrot Top's real name is.

I voted for John Teti for writer of the year, only because I knew Sean O'Neal would win it. Kind of like how you vote for Ralph Nader if you live in Massachusetts.

"…shut uuuuuup…"