Hi, Mary.

Don't call Jack Horner fat. He can still suck and fuck with the best of them.

I watched this with my new(ish) girlfriend and her roommate, both of whom had no idea what it was about. It got awkward. They also couldn't get past Duplass' yellow teeth. They are kinda gross.

When is the book about Metal Machine Music coming out? I would love to know just how many people Lou Reed fucked over to put that monstrosity out into the marketplace.

They disappeared cuz you jacked it. A lot.

Not "wrote", "dictated".

You know, Charlton Heston looks great naked. If I looked like that…

So they were gonna play some baseball, but then there was rain in the forecast and so now they're just chillin' on a blanket listening to the girl read aloud. But what is she reading? Highlights!

A-FUCKING-MEN. Maybe I'm just anti-everything, but the first thing I look at when reading a film review is the minutes. Over 120? No thanks. Unless it's Godfather or some shit. But action or comedy? Get the fuck out, I ain't got that time.

I hope he and Peggy don't hit it off. What will become of Abe? We haven't seen him take his pants off and slide on the carpet yet!

Brian Jones a troubadour? LOL. He drowned in his pool because he couldn't handle his shit. Young people are dumb. Though he did have the best bowl cut of the group. And he could play a sick-ass sitar.

Betty ain't that bright. She really is just fat.

Last week in the Newswire, we saw a picture of Matthew Weiner looking very amused. Some people commented on it. I'd like to think it was the image of Betty in a fat suit that caused Weiner such amusement. Because really, that was the best thing I've ever seen. FINISH THAT SUNDAE!

Heh, I know what you mean. But I always ask myself, "how does it compare with Liz Phair?" And the answer: Not by a long shot.

Calvin being eaten by a snowman has always been a dream. Alas, it just doesn't seem right. Next tattoo I get will be Tom and Jerry in some form, though I've been saying that for years.

If Scruggs had been born 60 years later, you know he'd be SHREDDING in some metal band.

I wish I was in a boy band, then I'd get all the chicks.

(Continues eating cake)

He's driving his new T-Model down the highways and by-ways, from New York to L.A.. Give a wave and a smile.

Does he own only one hockey jersey? Is this a thing I missed? Does he have multiple hockey jerseys? IS HIS CLOSET FULL OF HOCKEY JERSEYS!?
PS—there's a homeless duo in my town that are called Jay and Silent Bob. 'Cept Jay went to the pokey and now Silent Bob just wanders around in his duster.