According to our new arrival…
…Life is more than mere survival. We just might live the good life yet.

Actually, he's wrong because the period was part of the banner, not for your reason. A period can go after the quote if it doesn't relate to the quote, usually for a title (i.e. 'This was a pretty funny episode of "The Office".').

The best things about the audition process are people who are horrible, horrible, horrible and THEN defend themselves and react like angels were flying out of their mouths when criticized for the first time in their overprotected little lives. So, please, Irrational Untalented Contestants of the Future, sing songs…

People sing lots of different songs at these things, so, if they showed everybody, the licensing costs would be out of control. Do you really think that every just sings MOR lite-pop through the entire audition process? No. They don't. Those songs just come cheaper.

Lobsters: KISS is terrible. Not the Bruce is all that and a bag of chips, but come on.

Boondock Saints does suck. I just don't understand how anyone thinks that it's "great" or "classic" or even "mediocre".

Poor Bald Eagles
If only The Eagles would die of disappointment instead. If only!

Punctuation
If there is punctuation in your band name, there is a ninety-four percent chance that I will like your band less than having a belt sander applied directly to my forehead.

@A. Little Bee - I will attest to the superiority of the Clark Bar.

Scientologists… Is there anything they can't do?

Bootleg Black Bart shirts are the way to my heart!

If Scientology came in Blizzard form, perhaps it would be palatable. Perhaps.

Butterfingers
Butterfingers are far more delicious than Scientology ever could be. Even if they added extra Thetans.

Snacks
Snacks are delicious to everybody.

#6
It was a little funny when that one guy slid down the wall, crying. I laughed out loud.

Our President…
…the Angry, Drunken Zombie. Somebody get Troma on the line!

Yes. Drinking is serious business. No one should need a game to do it.

This is obviously the best way of detecting any extraterrestrial sentients.

Peter Falk
Can we all please agree to let this man live and die in peace? I don't remember him doing anything bad to me and that picture just makes me sad.

Lite Rock
Thank you, Keith Phipps, thank you.