Because physical contact is limited to a] his birthday and b] Christmas Eve, as per the prenup.

Amen.  Not many college English students either.  Hell, for that matter, not many college English professors.

Be careful.  You just might inadvertently reanimate Bud Bundy's career.  If he's still alive.

The smart one isn't a bitch.  She's a brain.

We're out of step with the rest of American because we're right, SLeigher.

"Wound my heart with a monogomous golden langur."

Embarrassing, yes…but-and we can be brutally honest here-not in the least surprising.

Yo, Jesse…bet the episode didn't make you hungry enough to eat Stella's cupcakes.

Because Charlie Sheen could show up in some sort of ultra-whacky cameo.  Along with some of his skeazoid goddesses.

And be sure to take your green teeth with you.

And you have to share them with O'Neill, right?

*loads safari rifle with 300 grain jacketed soft point bullets*

If we were still under the aegis of the prelapsarian AV Club, some frightfully intelligent and clever soul would doubtless have posted a killer comment under the user name "Jill Emerson."

But Bill Engvall probably would.

Silly Pantaloons.  Only amatuers have to undress for casting couch sex.

Something tells me that that's far from the ghastiliest work experience you've ever had.

Yes…objectively speaking, she does have a reasonably attractive face.  Yet subjectively speaking [at least in the sidebar ad] she looks as it the laxative triumphed while she was less than two strides away from the toilet.

Didn't we pass that threshold before the end of major combat operations?

Sounds like the same flock of assholes who invented Vietnam.

I thought that she went down on Chelsea Handler's brother for this gig.  Or maybe it was Bobby Lee.