Truly, your mind is not yet ready for the truth that The Church of Scientology brings. You must be audited to be made properly ready for the mindbending revelation that is OT III.

I don't know what you're talking about.

They really are just angry people conspiring against us - I mean, against the Church that I'm not part of.

They were just very short adults.

See! All suppressive persons are secretly furries!

Scientology is not bad at the internet! Only an SP would say that!

The only joke is that people say he's not one of the greatest people of all time!

THEY WERE JUST HAVING A LONG TEA PARTY!!!!

Ho, there will a day of reckoning for you, non-believer! A totaling of
sums! And a snapping of necks! And you will count yourself among the
damned!

You shouldn't. He's under the influence of bad Thetans.

NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED! DON'T GOOGLE THEM!

I would be proud of them for becoming clear and taking the steps to improve their lives.

Dr. Seuss and Tolkien were not touched by the same divine light of prophecy L. Ron Hubbard was.

All OT VIIs and above are real-life superheroes. David Miscavige has singlehandedly prevented the San Andreas fault from triggering due to his telekinetic powers.

John Travolta is completely heterosexual. He purged all deviant Thetans from his body ages ago.

He was at least smart enough to turn his life around and purge himself of bad Thetans by reading Dianetics.

Squirrel.

You really shouldn't joke about someone who committed as much genocide as Xenu did. I know it was a long time ago, but he killed trillions and trillions of people. Joking about Xenu is worse than joking about Hitler.

To everyone reading this article:

What are you talking about? I've been posting here for ages!