Powerlifted for decades, huh? I'm more of a sculpt-and-tone kinda guy.

Shut up, or I'll give you a swirlie!

Shut up, or I'll give you a swirlie!

Sometimes I listen to Faith Hill and imagine she's singing about me.

Naw man, you don't understand. My cul-de-sac is one of the sketchiest in the western suburbs. I NEED that assault rifle for protection. 

I would suggest Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks providing commentary for said dodgeball scene.

I would suggest Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks providing commentary for said dodgeball scene.

hehe now I can't stop picturing fancy bags of poop.

hehe now I can't stop picturing fancy bags of poop.

If the Internet is the home of the beautiful people, then the AV Club is the friggin' Taj Mahal.

If the Internet is the home of the beautiful people, then the AV Club is the friggin' Taj Mahal.

Held briefly, and released rather quickly.

Held briefly, and released rather quickly.

Breakfast is the best meal of the day!! Like this if you agree!!! :D

Breakfast is the best meal of the day!! Like this if you agree!!! :D

Does this mean you watch and/or peruse E! News before going to bed?

Does this mean you watch and/or peruse E! News before going to bed?

You forgot to mention the FAYGO, BITCH!

You forgot to mention the FAYGO, BITCH!

Needs more Wilson from Home Improvement