Somebody got really into a Lana Del Rey video. No pun intended.

Some of us are never joking…..

Ballyhoooooo

But what if the vampires are hott?

Some groundbreaking cinematography right there. In my head, I pictured your "jism" being green, a la the Goosebumps' TV episode "Stay Out of the Basement."

Kill Shane, get rid of Carl, off Lori, and murder Dale…but keep his bucket hat.

Whatever, you're beyond stupid! I like hipster Erin (and all versions of Erin, for that matter).

Yes, it is actually Jenna Fischer coming back from pregnancy in larger form…but Stanley, Phyllis and Kevin are also actually overweight in real life. Sooo I feel like any jokes directed towards their size could also be considered mean-spirited.

You got that right. Nothing short of Jim murdering Kathy will make feel invested in these characters again.

My feeling when Spader came onto the show: "Meh"

Such a sad time for Sandler. Lucky for him it's NUDIE MAGAZINE DAY!!

This story might be true, except Fred Durst NEVER struck out. He was probably good enough to play for the Yankees, yo. That's why he wore a phat NY hat all the time. Problem was, Steinbrenner didn't include a nookie clause in his contract. Shiiiiit.

Eh, I don't really buy into the "all publicity is good publicity" argument. Janet Jackson's boob didn't really help her album sales. Then again, maybe that's because she made a shitty new album that no one wanted to buy.

Also: "Oh, we're competing in Texas? Did I mention I grew up in Texas? Just a good ole Texas girl! YAY TEXAS!!"

Lazy, but true. That dumb ass McCarthy harms plenty of gullible families who buy into her shit. Not sure why she's been granted another talk show, but I'm sure it will be groundbreaking and enlightening.

Obsequious? Vituperative? English majors everywhere just made a mess of their undies.

I did the math, then it was funny!

I'm still waiting for the rebirth of George Lopez. Someday, somehow.

They did the same thing with "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" after Keanu Reeves' soul died (RIP BTW). The backlash was never-ending.

Ok, then: Better contemporary "post-apocalyptic story featuring mutated creatures with an affinity for cannibalism."