Those wasted calories would have allowed you one last flip of your fried egg tonight, and would have made it a perfect topping for your BiBimBap, but that dream is gone. Now it will only be adequate.

When the original Mission: Impossible was on Netflix I was astonished to see him in the first episode. According to Wikipedia he lost the part to Peter Graves eventually because he was an observant Jew and wouldn't work on the Sabbath.

Sunfire/Johnny Storm slash fiction or GTFO

But that was a network show! Did they bleep it? Or is that from the Netflix season? I'm a little less conversant with that one. Tell me Scrawler, stop being withholding!

That…is not something I feel comfortable Googling at work.

We're more of an ideas country.

"What this fraternity doesn't know is that the Bud Light in their keg has secretly been replaced by H.E.Pennypacker's Imitation Home Brew. Let's see what happens."

It really is kind of amazing how immediately that word entered the language. It feels like everybody knew it within weeks of American Pie's release. The power of perversion!

I assume she's lined up for one of those detective procedurals wherein beautiful young people in an enormous office solve intricately-planned serial killer puzzles.

"We used to peel potatoes in this country. Slice potatoes. Now we just open up the factory-direct vacuum sealed pocket and dump them in the fryer."

McDonald's beef and Twitter beef: Neither is good for you, neither is real.

HULK AGREES WITH MESSAGE OF "KILLING IN THE NAME" BUT SONG HAS TOO MANY DIRTY WORDS

The quality of movie scores overall has declined precipitously in recent years, in my opinion. Pop classical music used to be a genre of genuine interest to me, but very few active composers can write a memorable theme the way Jerry Goldsmith, James Horner, or John Williams could in their heyday. Even an overwrought…

Nope. The only answer is zither music. Zither music for each one, like in The Third Man.

I rode there in a bus with a bunch of British thirtysomethings once. They were real assholes, but once I got off the bus and walked onto the beach it was like I was on the shore of an alien sea, with that volcanic sand and the white, white beach wood. There were ATV tread marks but I didn't see a single person as I…

According to Google, "Baugh" comes from Welsh and was a nickname for a small man; his name literally means that he's mother's special little guy. So that's one ticket sold, anyway.

Was it funny?

I feel like we've harvested just about every funny person in New Zealand for our amusement. It's just not that big a country. Maybe there are a few left on the sparsely populated west side of the south island.

EVERYTHING IS BET-TER WHEN WE VIKE TO-GE-EH-EH-THER
SIDE BY SIDE, THOU AND I IN METAL AND LEATHER
LET'S PILLAGE FOREVER…

Can't be done. The Pussycat Dolls only have that one song.