I think the young man who suggested that Slipknot is a ska band is on to something.

*orchestra starts to play mid-speech*

That sounds too much like work.

But seriously, you should definitely leave America.

"I swear to God, I thought those people having a massive pillow fight were in Al-Qaeda, officer. That's why I used an alarming amount of incredibly inappropriate and frankly excessive violence. I'm sorry about their eyes."

WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE. IT WAS ALWAYS BURNIN SINCE THE WORLDS BEEN TURNIN.

Wait, is this about the three guys dressing like Nazis? Because I don't think that's a flash mob.

Haha! No, 'Heroes' will never die. In fact, they're going to put Jay Leno in it just to make you hate it more.

And what about that fluoride in the drinkin' water!

I have to admit, comparing a movie to 'Death Wish' isn't going to make me want to see something any less.

It's not just those final scenes. It's the fact that an supposedly intractable racist starts to bond with those scary scary ethnic younguns while simultaneously standing up to the bullies in their midst.

It's like that Brian Posehn joke where the stripper says he looks like a man who likes to lick buttholes and he asks what he can do to change that.

Throw in Jason Statham. That way you get a classy English accent, too.

Those aren't purses; those are his eyes' biceps.

Whatta ya mean, you 'didn't dislike the Grindhouse movies as much as some people'? Those people are mutants. Those movies were golden. GOLDEN I TELL YOU.

And the part of J-Dawg will be played by Frank Black in a gorilla suit.

Yeah, well she may be a Scientologist but I'd like to inject my… uh… penis into her vagina. Sorry, sort of fell apart there. Decided to just be straight up with ya'll. I like having sex with ladies.

I actually didn't realize he was Enrique! MY MIND HAS BEEN BLOWN!

It's like Danny Trejo isn't a hipster or amateur internet comment board critic or something!

Oh wait, The Beast Rabin said it first. We're both off the hook.