This isn't faux-dive. This is just a dive!

You need great new music to have a great new musical.

PIV-AT!!!

You date your barely legal student, but it's okay because Kelly Kapowski is hot and she married Zack anyway.

This feels more like a "lifetime achievement award" for Beck, but it's well-deserved either way.

And Best New Artist. That Petty kid is going places!

I'm guessing you're saving this for Part 2, but…

I'm pretty sure BIBFAULT is Peggy Hill.

Maybe you should watch Kerrigan's Keane instead. It's basically a less visceral but more assured version of Clean, Shaven.

It means you're angry at your friend for replacing you with Jane Krakowski.

She's not there to start no trouble
She's just there to film the Taliban Shuffle

"I think I’m really good at analyzing people’s dreams…

…I’d rather analyze people’s dreams, I think."

…starring Richard Gere

I like the way Mas thinks!

YOU ARE DIRTBIKE MILKSTEAKS

"I wish you better than your heart dee-siya
And your first kiss from a boy…"

Was the door locked?

There's really no point in complaining about the choices.

"The man I inherited it from is not the real Sean O'Neal either. The real Sean has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Malibu."

Tell him this weekend at the boathouse. The boathouse is the time.