I willfully concede.

Gee, the only thing that could make you more qualified on the subject of bagels would be if you were….

Do the women you've gone to second base+ with consist mainly of girls in junior high? Surely, the mostly awesome tits you've seen since then have replaced them in your mind by now.

Warren, you're not a bagel man. You'll never be a bagel man. If you can't enjoy the subtle clash of flavors and aromas that is the cinnamon raisin bagel, what can you enjoy?

The idea that your imagination crafts something far better than what is actually being shown works for monsters in a monster movie, but, it should never be applied to tits. Tits that have never let you down. Tits that have always loved you…

All I want is a cinnamon raisin bagel and a friend.

I did…

I'd mention all over that rack.

HEY!
I didn't mean to read this!

MACH SCHAU MORRISSEY! MACH SCHAU!

THAT WASN'T ACTUALLY KANYE WEST! GARH!

My eyes!! I'm not supposed to get jugs in them!

Hey now! He's a singer of Christmas songs! As you all probably know…

And what the fuck was up with that crazy polar bear monster?

I still don't understand how falling from the sky after being in a plane crash made him un-crippled.

Be a father…not a friend.

c'mon guys! wait until they leave….that's practically "gay stuff"!

Hipster Recycling….you go to UofM, do you not?

Yeah, no. Not even for a chick.

Does listening to it make you a Futurebitch?