If we're lucky,
Perhaps writing this book will mean Paul Haggis takes a break from making insulting films. That'd be just fine.

ALSO, what the fuck kind of Christmas was I having where I felt that writing an over-wordy comment on a two-year-old A.V. Club article was more important than, I don't know, SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY?

Was I TRYING to sound like an English Major when I wrote this?

NO
My little anglo-oriental font of postmodern comedy has been tainted.

DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS
This sounds like one of those projects that will surprise us with tantalizing announcements for about a year until it gets dropped.

Crossing my antennae
Come on, Killer Moth!

Dammit.
This is annoying on two levels:

His movies make me want to exploderbergh with hatred.

guhhhhhhhhh…
I'd cum so hard if they had Lars von Trier direct this. They could call it "Pee-wee Fucks His Entire Family to Death."

Blecch
Oh, how PRECIOUS and INDIE this film must be! It's got a kewt indie chick in cardigans! She's attractive, but in an alt way, so its ok for indie guys to want to fuck her in the ass! She's so awkward an quiet! And quirky, too! Epilepsy is just one of those little tics that normal people just don't have! I…

YES
I couldn't agree with you more, here, Nathan. As a rule, I hate musicals, or, at least, I hate musicals which not only fall prey to all the yucky, cliched pitfalls of the genre, but seem to revel in tacky archetypes and the ever-increasingly grating vernacular of Broadway melody and lyrics. But Pennies'…

Not to get nitpicky, but Being John Malkovich did technically come out in 1999. A wonderful film, though.

Since you didn't ask for them,
here are three grievances about your list: