He don't care! He'll start his OWN chain, called Dahlburgers!

What the fuck were my parents thinking, not naming me that! Jerks.

All I remember about 3 is that it had a larger budget. Or maybe that was 4. I have a soft spot for 2, and the original was alright, but don't really care for the last two. Something about a pair of those poles that they use to guide people who are queueing up, actually being an interdimensional portal?

"RaVager" makes me think they replaced the car with an RV.

… feckin Begbie.

Oh, fuck yeah. I've probably spent 10 collective hours flying the Banshees around the Assault on the Control Room column to hear Siege of Madrigal.

If the phrase "the ability to play Barbie with my 480-ton, light-speed-capable warship." doesn't turn up in the next KG, I'll be real disappointed.

I have kind of fond memories of disassembling Led Zeppelin IV, reversing the spools, and listening to Stairway to Heaven to see if it really did have satanic messages. It was tense, though, those things cost half a month's allowance so you didn't want to screw up your copy by dragging the tape through your carpet or…

I would have posted a fake job ad on CL (regarding hiring a mercenary to destroy poor drivers on my daily commute) except it cost $25. No single joke is worth $25.

I don't really find myself pining for the days of unwieldy fragile plastic disks.

In pretty games, just looking around. Even if the graphics are not terribly technologically advanced, a lot of the games I've played, and prefer, tend to present evocative images: the windswept castle of Ico that makes me think the weather there is like San Francisco; the low sun at noon in Shadow of Chernobyl,…

nope, wordagawd.

Helsinki?

Only if you're a pathologically insecure nerd meeting your celebrity crush for the first time and need to hide your flopsweat and/or erection.

80s references? That's a paddlin'.

Yet inexplicably, Films that time Forgot and Commentary Tracks of the Damned are banished to the mists of time.

You can put a 10lb baby through a vagina fer crine out loud. Meanwhile, I'm doubled over in nauseating pain for 90 long seconds if I let the elastic band on my boxers slip and snap me in the nuts.

These days it's all about cornering the niche markets. Next up, for long pork enthusiasts:

I scanned that as "cellophanes" at first. "that's an odd communications medium."

… go on.