How does Nigerian hair compare, toughness-wise, to leather?

Can we get him replaced by Christopher Walken?  Or Philip Baker Hall?

*urinates on smouldering remains of Diatribe Called Quest*

Alcopheliac The SEALS need you to come up with an emoticon that embodies the 'sense of screwed' in three symbols or less.  GO, GO, GO!!! 

Bay-b-q is delish, yo.  Not sure if it's halal…

That explains the mug sales, I guess.

"I once used my own prolapsed rectum to cap a leaking hydraulic line in a DC-3 while I knit a cardigan for the guitar-playing nun out of my own beard hair using needles made out of shards of my femur.  Dropped a couple stitches when the pilot went flaps-down for landing, but we got the serum through and the nun went…

I like my explanation better, Unregistered Troll Superhero - my way has more rapin.'

In like circumstance, I use the 1st Amendment to tickle my balls.

Most babies die so quickly upon the commencement of eating that simultaneity is endemic.

He's been ball-gagged behind enemy lines and had to bail out an enema bag with his own behind, but not by a SEAL team.

Evidently, sean O neal was raped to death by military volunteers and his wan, jizzy little ghost now haunts the comment boards of the AV Club.

Well, more like they've figured out how to initiate the trends, but…

Responding not to Zorro, but to this whole subset of thread:

Oh, those grognai and their quaint refusal to admit to the joys of a cold hole…

Santorum takes glory to the hole, baby.

No luck.  But anagrams like "Tuber Irks Curs" and "Rick Ruts Rubes" make it a little better.

Goddam right!

Those stinking family portrait stickers are legion here in Northern California. They always fill me with a bleak, vengeful despair.

Damn you, Grecian Formula!