Also works with molasses, semen, and Strawberry Quik. Depending, of course, on the quarry.

Hypnomatic - That's because Kyocera Laser Printers are fashioned by Akaname, and there is no science involved.

Can your sister get me a sentient laser printer that brandishes ceramic knives?

I prefer to think of him as Prawn Raul.

Oh God - we used to blare 'Elvira' on the jukebox in the ice cream shop when we were in junior high.

Loverboy? With the fingers coyly crossed behind the red-leather man-ass?  That album cover was so shriekingly lame that our hoots of derisive, peri-pubertal laughter got us thrown out of the record store in the mall.

My first concert was Rainbow (with Aldo Nova!) at the Worcester Centrum. I ate half a bag of Applejack plug tobacco and got violently ill. It was great.

Was Kix named for the cereal, or the other way around?

I wish that Sarah would shorten those awful beaver teeth by gnawing away most of the telephone pole that Lindsey calls a neck. Then she could hop in the ol' Toyota Product Placement and lob the severed head onto Beverly's mother's lawn.

Lyndsey looks like Stretch Armstrong's little sister.

You had a kid, didn't you?

Great - my arcane Friday ritual means that I now have to think about this whilst beating off.

That Tundra was so roomy, the cast actually conducted the entire circle jerk in the truck!

If you wrap the vegans with bacon, they're tastier.

Microwaves at a state school?  Whaddaya think, they fucking sous vide at Cornell and Penn?

"Hecka," please - this site is fucking family-friendly.

My doctor would have me believe that being a bloated fat-ass is a) raising my blood pressure and b) under my control.  So, there's that. 

Poutine? Is that you?

The undershots of Raoul's perineum were really unfortunate, though. Looked like a tarantula escaping a raw calzone.

There is no wrong when it comes to rectal insertions.