Related: has "Leslie Nielsen Fart Machine" been claimed as a band name? Because if not…

Don't be Russian when you're Danson with a partner?

I'm not a big fan of this song, or Christmas music in general, but I'm all on board with more songs entering the "Christmas canon" so November 1 - December 31 isn't an endless loop of the same twelve songs in every store, on every radio station, at every party, etc.

"Keep Portland Unsafe + Intoxicated"

I'd argue that by default, very little news covered here is urgent.

A bleach-blond bowl cut might have saved that movie.

(cue Zeppelin)

Sometimes on crowded subways I do feel like I'm stewing inside my coat.

I don't think that's the character's name, just that it's a similar character.

But you never hear pagans complaining about a war on Halloween.

My dad's birthday is three days after Christmas and from the sound of it, it'll be cheap relatives ruining the baby's birthday year after year.

American Christmas is so wholesome and untouchable, I can't see Krampus ever going beyond this level of counter-programming. Plenty of people watch Die Hard as a Christmas movie but that doesn't mean kids are going to the mall to meet John McClane.

Buying concessions at the theater? This is coat season, baby!

Svenborgia?

That happens with TV reviews, too. I saw a comment on a C+ review this week complaining that the reviewer has it out for the show, when the (arbitrary!) letter grade means they thought the episode was above-average.

Or that time a deer jumped in to the lion exhibit at the National Zoo.

Jacobson will be working as a waitress at a cocktail bar.

They were indistinguishable by the end of the night.

Then why didn't you come to my birthday?

I need to pick up my Cera suit from the dry cleaner.