Wrap it in a moist paper towel and microwave for 17 minutes.

I resent those comparisons. The Cheney-Bush gang of creeps and fuckups made Nixon look saintly. This lot is the next level from The Age of Skeletor. Proper order, people.

Worldwide beer sales are going down too. In my next TED Talk, I'll show how it's related. I'll wear a rumpled shirt and self-deprecation to make my point clearer.

RDJ is an effortlessly good actor and a great screen presence. Cruise is more tryhard than a 90s diva trying to screech a high note.

Did an angry chicken dance on that mummy's face?

That's what you call Democrats, huh? I call them spineless dipshits with no message of their own.

Also don't work out in the pool.

They don't have long to live?

Not enough people and not enough time. I don't mean to sound bloodthirsty, but the scope of their evil was breathtaking.

You meant it to sound sarcastic, but it reads as a factual statement. The Nixon administration was cleared of a shit rain of illegal activities. It was a masterful job of damage control. In a just world, many influential people would be jailed or simply run out of town in permanent disgrace. The White House flipped…

Why are people getting their hopes up? President Pence will pardon President Trump of any and every wrongdoing.

"succinct and cogent caricature of Trumpism"
Let’s not graft our political concerns on Twin Peaks. Much of s3 was completed when the Republican party was tipped to implode and Trump was supposed to get soundly thrashed. Lynch does noir or rather his dream-logic take on it. Noir skewers corruption of every kind thus…

Ex-jock Mike growing up to be a cranky middle-aged executive was too believable a development.

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?

Smugness is not a good quality.

Your friends are Buzzfeed come to life.
ETA: Which is better than Infowars reptiles I had for friends I guess.

How about jabroni? I ain't giving that one up.

Support your local hole-in-the-wall (pun intended? Fuck yes, AV Club, etc.) donut shops. Their donuts cost less and are pretty great. Fuck every designer place with a cutesy name selling overpriced trash donuts. Those heavy garbage ones your idiot colleagues say are sooo good are, in fact, not good.

What are you, a man or a wimp? You eat who you want when you want.

I find her performances offensive to comedy.