Yep, I existed the HELL out of that role!

Yep, I existed the HELL out of that role!

I played Mr. Mushnik in my high school's production. The review in our local newspaper called my performance "effective." #humblebrag?

I played Mr. Mushnik in my high school's production. The review in our local newspaper called my performance "effective." #humblebrag?

How about the 1890's own "Basic Instinct": "Little Egypt"?

How about the 1890's own "Basic Instinct": "Little Egypt"?

Shut up, Leonard! Everybody knows what you did on 10/19.

Shut up, Leonard! Everybody knows what you did on 10/19.

And how will we know who the aliens endorse for President?

And how will we know who the aliens endorse for President?

It's true. This man has no Twinkie.

It's true. This man has no Twinkie.

And they say Kennedy was shot from behind.

And they say Kennedy was shot from behind.

I feel like Steve Guttenberg should be involved somehow.

I feel like Steve Guttenberg should be involved somehow.

A stranger once caught me standing at an ATM singing "I'm Every Woman." Pretty much the same thing as this, right?

A stranger once caught me standing at an ATM singing "I'm Every Woman." Pretty much the same thing as this, right?

I have a 4-year-old daughter who already shows unnerving signs of terrifying teen-ism. I fear for my safety the day in the future when her and her mother's cycles align.

I have a 4-year-old daughter who already shows unnerving signs of terrifying teen-ism. I fear for my safety the day in the future when her and her mother's cycles align.