"Can't I just fuck a fish?"

Not least Altaira falling in love with Leslie Nielsen only because he's the senior officer.

So that makes up for all the other shit in the film? There's no way I'm going to sully myself by actually looking at an IMDB message board.

If there was ever a man you'd think would want to be stuffed and kept as a macabre mantelpiece decoration, it'd be him.

"So … I have to dissolve myself into the river, in a very slow and agonisingly painful way? isn't there some other method of doing whatever the fuck it is we're doing?"

In Forbidden Planet the doors and devices were all built for distinctly non-human creatures. I can't wait until the remake to see them remade into blue cat people!

God doesn't build in straight lines. Nevermind the fact that there are plenty of straight lines in nature.

That was as stupid as the aliens in The War Of The Worlds having three legs because they drive tripods. BECAUSE HUMANS BUILT CARS IN THE SHAPE OF HUMANS FUCK

In a way, aren't we all?

Sir Ridley. Makes him sound like he's defending a castle in Nottingham.

HOLY SHIT THE MOON WANTS A GOTTLE OF GEER

Except the Aliens computer games, where they become meaningless cannon-fodder. Hopefully Isolation will have it down perfectly.

Yeah, but Chariots Of The Gods was such a good fucking book! Oh, no, wait — it wasn't.

SNARK IS A GODDAMN ROBOT!

It also doesn't need a coherent plot, or competent characters. Or me in the audience.

I didn't write that letter, dude. I'm not into drinking anyone's piss.

Nah man, the Waynes are billionaires. Bruce wouldn't get his inheritance until a specific age - probably 21 (Prince Harry here in the UK only just got his mother's inheritance at age 30) - and he needs money for all those wonderful toys. And it's not as if he can just drop out of high school. The idea of him becoming…

I like those odds!

Hey, if we're going to get all mathematical 'n' shit, mine works out at one every four years. Except that's meaningless to me seeing as the last was goddamn six years ago, and I long since drowned in a pool of self-pity. Or urine. I'm unsure.

Twitter Crushes: Good way to meet people, or totally fucking terrible idea? Discuss.