I'm losing interest halfway through the episode. Clunky isn't the right word.

It was inflatable, that's why he was the hero of PT-109.

He was shot 247 times by the Russians, the CIA, the mob, Cubans … the Onion solved it years ago.

WE'RE THROUGH THE BEARD-HOLE HERE, PEOPLE

Ssshh!

A 21 (millimetre) salute.

THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT — SHIT

It sends a small jolt of electricity to whichever staffer is plugged in.

Oh totally. But it's still MAD! I kinds want to talk about it.

CASE CLOSED EVERYBODY, JMPesq HAS GOT THIS ONE

See, I understand "man-crush" to mean "I'm heterosexual but I can totally see how attractive this man is, plus he's really cool", whereas I think you've gone straight to having sex with him. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Neither do I. We're not supposed to talk about it.

Wow. Just wow. If you know what I'm talking about.

Why does Joseph Gordon-Actor keep making such shitty film choices?

Just Google 'cock affection', I'm sure there's one or two websites that mention the subject.

*Checks own profile*

We like our snark the way we like our women - twelve years old and mixed up with coke. Wait …

Who else is super cool and never seen the film?

We filter the snark through charcoal barrels …

TH' IRONY INGINES CANNAE HANDLE IT, CAPTAIN!