A squandered opportunity for the best televised moment of all time.
I was praying to every deity I could think of that Seacrest would come back from Crystal's song with a booming: "HEY EVERYBODY, WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID!"

Let's Dance!
I was hoping for a new concert film of David Bowie's 1983 tour…

Ugly gorillas, go away.

Shia LaBeouf is losing his edge to better-looking people with better ideas and more talent.

Me First
Sleep Talk
Sleep Talk
Sleep Talk

"Let's call it 'Everybody HATES Raymond'"
"Well, we stayed up all night, but it was worth it."

Asher Roth's existence makes me livid.

Come on people!
Are you all so hardened with hatred that you can't even chuckle at Joy Behar's cum joke at 0:51?

Socially Conservative, Fiscally Liberal
I'm still laughing at Winters' quick, nonchalant delivery of that line. STILL.