I don't understand why these people don't come to me first.
Being an awe-inspiring genius and the one relevant arbiter of all things cultural, artistic, entertaining, and sensible in the entire world, people really ought to consult me before embarking on such ill-advised clusterfucks. Really, Mr. Friedman, you can't…

I didn't hear a single mention of Yule
PAGAN BOYCOTT!!!

Yeah, I had a friend who worked at the Goodall Institute in the Congo for a year and he had some stories about chimps. Bad, bad stories. After hearing them, "killed by chimp" took over the #1 spot on my Unwanted Death By Animal list, knocking "killed by shark" down to #2. And sharks are scary.

Uh, Skippy? They shot that chimp dead.

Say your prayers you heathen baboons!

Please stop creating associations in my mind between Oprah Winfrey and porn.

Misandric. Agreed. Precisely why I didn't like the film.

Oprah's hardly alone
This was on every network and local news station multiple times both last night and this morning. I have every confidence that we can watch it again tonight at 5, 6, 9, 10, and 11. And then again tomorrow on all the morning shows. Again.

Dushku really rubs me the wrong way.

Goddammit
And this was turning out to be such a good week. Maybe I'll find some money in an old pair of pants or something.

I can only imagine this unholy spawn will be a big Carrot Top fan.

But he was just cast in Jumpin' Jack Flash 2!

It seems your definition of "really good" and my definition of "really good" diverged somehwere back a ways.

I watched G.I. Joe this weekend. You know what? It was terrible.

Are you familiar with the Academy Awards, Mr. Fhtagn?

I'm constantly thinking about Dune anyway.

Flail of my blurst.

"safety concerns "
In other words, you're a pussy.

If you cut a hole in the box, can you peer inside and see the junk of the one to die?

Well, it could've been Glenn Beck. Or Jimmy Fallon.