I'm shocked that we haven't heard from Anthony Bourdain yet. I'm hoping he didn't die of joy.

HER?

She was on Colbert on Wednesday with the Postal Service. Turns out she was a Toys R Us kid in the commercials back in the day. 

Also spot on:

The Onion had two pretty great stories last night about the Heat winning.:

I've come to realize that it's not that Lebron won again that bugs me the most. It's either Birdman getting a ring, Bosh being a two time champ or the fact that the Miami fans get to walk away happy.

"It was pretty cool seeing Suzanna Hamilton naked at 10 in the morning though."

NYPD Blue Balls
The Penis Van Lesbian Show

Surely, you can't be serious.

"bewbies" Well, that's a new one to me.

@unicyclistperiscopes:disqus: I heard about that, and it made me very happy.

Really, I would like my funeral to be the best party my friends and family could ever have, despite my inability to make it.

So, you're saying that he'll "always have Zoidberg?"

Call 1-800-RENT-A-JEW!

All four sides of Metal Machine Music would also be a great way to go out.

YMCA!

Oh, that opens so many options:

I'M A FREE BORN MAN OF THE USA!

There's an old joke about how someone wanted to be buried to the tune of "Who Wants To Live Forever?", but whoever was in charge cued up "Another One Bites The Dust" instead.

Waits' "I Don't Want To Grow Up" would be a delight choice.