Jesus, what a slog of a movie. When not-Rey started naming imperial projects, all I could think of was that someone next to me might be jerking off to references I don't get and I don't care for.

So nobody is going to comment how this movie is Top Secret!, weird looking Peter Cushing included?

That's what the prequels are for.

"it is a better film than last year’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens"

That we like to make up and spread stories to help justify our systematically organised prejudices as legitimate ideologies?

Weirdo racists? As oppossed to normal racists?

Supergirl is the Parks & Rec of superhero shows.

That really made me reevaluate a lot of things regarding my black-and-white view of filmmaking. What happens when an auteur with total control of the process produces crap, and then the evil megacorporation makes it and turns out good?

I've never been been big into star wars besides thinking that the good ones are the ones where palpatine doesn't physically appear. But I find George Lucas endlessly fascinating as a person and a craftsman and I hope someone pulls a Mark Lewisohn on his life and circumstances.

It's not like the prequels aren't pandering and fan service-y (more lightsabers! Here's Boba Fett! Yoda vs. the emperor!). It's just pandering and fan service gone horribly wrong.

I would agree with that if Kubo's pacing hadn't been so off. I really love Laika's no-fucks-given-we-got-money-and-love approach to stop motion, but they need to decide what type of voice they want to have. Do they want to be poets? Kubo's first 20 minutes prove they can. Do they want to be storytellers? The rest of…

I always imagined there was no exit door behind that column and they just hid there awkwardly, waiting for things to solve themselves.

If you thought this is bad, wait until you see who they picked to voice Darth Vader!

But where's the FUN?

The philosophy behind the Joker is to sell comics.

Starring Batman, Unikitty and Todd.

At least those scary looking foreigners and asylum seekers will now keep the hell away from their crumbling system!

Man, Amazon.co.uk is having great sales on just about everything right now.

4% did! There were dozens of them! Dozens!

If you live in Gibraltar you'll need a visa to go to the movies from now on.