I know Snowden's been embraced by a lot of Tea Partiers as a giant "fuck you" to Obama - the same people who would've demonized him if he did this under Bush - but let's not forget that Obama denounced the Patriot Act when Bush was in office, and then expanded it.

His music is basically the only EDM I enjoy, but I would just feel awkward listening to it at a live show.

I liked this better when it was an Onion article.

I mean, not really. It's terrible when they're really annoying people who enjoy things.

Well, no one will sleep with us, so we have to procreate in our heads.

Whew! That's a relief. Because if there's one thing all trans people across the planet have in common, it's the unyielding desire to go into a ladies' room and molest my hypothetical daughter.

I hope there will come a day when they can run headlines like this and people say, "What's this 'country music' you speak of?"

No, transporter! I want to just beam places without having to drive or take a shuttlecraft!

So, basically, you'd love it if you were 15 and nobody "got you", and then be deeply embarrassed that you liked it years later? Gotcha.

Rocky Horror is one of those things that I've never actually seen, but everyone I meet who's into it is absolutely insufferable.

Oh man, the GameCube. Now there was a great system. Although I wasn't one of the lucky few who got the limited-edition radioactive version.

"Ray, when someone asks you if you're a thing, you say the stuff!"

"Live, from New York, it's one great sketch, three decent ones, and twelve horribly forgettable ones! With musical guest, some assholes who will be popular for a few more months!"

I agree with everything you said except the last sentence. You're NOT a generic indie kid, you're a shoe!

YOU SEE, JAZZ, IS LIKE THE NEW COKE!

The people unironically still calling it "Faux News" and/or "Fox Noise", or some combination of the two, are way more annoying than anything coming from Fox News at this point. Seriously, that gag was mildly amusing when I first heard it in 2002.

"Have Gnarls Barkley killed."

Come on, guys, everyone knows it's only okay to bring up a candidate's age and health if they're John McCain, or George H.W. Bush, or Ronald Reagan, or if you're a Hillary Clinton supporter and you're talking about Bernie Sanders.

I don't think I'm ready for a sexy Gosayln Mallard in a schoolgirl outfit.

"Let's Duckify him by about 10%", etc, etc.