todays mixed metaphors brought to you by a pissed-off toddler version of Patton Oswalt.

There's a New York college station that plays Dawes unironically, just one song, and it fucking kills me, such is the awful mid-90's lyric-crimes they perpitrate. It's ruined the whole station.

envelope full of linzer torte is a pretty terrible band name. That is all.

too soon, dude. R.I.P.

The time has come for a reality show called "Rap Jail" where they only send celebrities to a prison outfitted with recording studios and whoever makes the worst auto-tune chorus has to shower with Sir Mix-A-Lot.

"This Bucky Larson movie sounds pretty Hi-larious!"

We non-Boston fans in New England prefer to call this the "beginning of Patriots season", unless they lose, in which case it'll be the "We were rooting for the Bruins all along" season.

I hate 3 out of 4 "words" in this "sentence".

Let's let Community stop at its logical stopping point after four seasons of college. Then let Dan Harmon move on to something else. There's no way it'll get shitty in two more seasons…right?

Can we adress the scene in the movie where the black guy feels the shining in his bedroom in Florida and behind his bed is a huge velvet painting of a naked blacksploitation Pam Greer? I laugh every time I think about it.

The Shining II: Tokyo Drift

I will fucking cleave you in twain if you besmirch that sainted man's memory!

How dare you, sir, suggest that we in America are slavs! After fighting against the threat of slavic encroachment in our politics, economics, and morals for fifty years, many of us take umbridge at your insinuation! For shame!

Israeli/Palistinian Red Rover

See, the only similarity I can think of is a beer called "Schmidt's Gay", but I guess none of you are feeding that to your hypothetical baby. It comes down to: If you don't like the idea of allusions to balls on your ice cream DON'T BUY IT. Conservatives are all about voting with your dollars, so if this experiment…

It's got a picture of a lost puppy on the carton, but once you get inside there is no puppy? only dark? and… cold?

I think Shpadoinkle is mormon, not yiddish?

God, this was poorly written. I apologize for my atrocious grammar and spelling- I was trying to type without looking while a jury watched over my shoulder because they were bored to death by an expert witness in gastro-intestinal disorders.

Oh, sky cake. hy are you so delicious?

After thinking about this, I've decided this article is bull. We shouldn't be going easy on the Evangelical Wackos cause they're easy targets: The fact is, we shouln't even really be mad at the real people who behave irrationally/hypocritically in the name of religion, and here's why: At no time before in human…