Can we just shutter the windows, board up the doors and just close up shop? Today's been especially exhausting in trying to hold out hope anything's going to get better, from our Tweeter-in-Chief to the rise and increasing numbers of famous-for-fame-sake branding-whores.

And free publicity! The system works!

It's brilliant! One can have the swinging strikes, the other can have the looking strikes! Just imagine Bob Ueker muttering "and down goes Thames with a 95 mile an hour Kylie to retire the side!"

"Is he, like, a DJ? I think I saw him at EDC Vegas."

The can is round. The glass is round. Why don't they call it "Roundtine"?

Cf. all reality television.

Her biggest regret will be that it disqualifies her from the Darwin Award.

When sounding with bullets, remember to start with the smallest caliber, only gradually increasing the size once you become accustomed.

I especially like the bit about America being "overrun by leftists." Forget that Republicans control the house, the senate, the executive, and the Supreme Court, nothing sells your bullshit, corrupt agenda like continually playing the phantom victim card, even when you're in complete and utter control of the country.

I really like Melenia "I'm supposed to be running an anti-cyperbullying campaign, but I'm not going to do that, or anything productive or helpful to any of the the nation's unwashed peasants" Trump's retort that when her "husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder." We've reached the point where…

He literally saw a wood ape!

Please, think of the children!
*Monkey Fighting dolphin vaginas on this Monday to Friday Plane."

ZERO STARS

Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

What I got out of this is that ghosts, whether they exist or not, are still smarter than the president, and that's a stone-cold fact I can get behind!

I think I just crossed my "kids these days" threshold, but fuck, does anyone want to side with some shitty 16-year-old who makes video game YouTube videos?

If you want real news, here's Fox New's website's top story:
"LAP OF LUXURY Obamas' lavish globetrotting vacations raise Democrats’ eyebrows"
http://www.foxnews.com/poli…

Jackie Chan is as cold as ice and Pierce Brosnan is willing to sacrifice.

Well, the only reasonable explanation is that they are claiming that Depp breached his "won't perform domestic abuse" clause in his agreement with TMG. It's standard in all A-list actor's management contracts.

The treasure was knowledge. Knowledge was the treasure.