I just watched They Live. Nada's mugshot makes him look an awful lot like Roger Clemens.

Mellencamp gave the commencement address at IU in 2000. He accidentally referred to his wife as "the woman I'm married to right now." Also, due to the heat he took off his cap and gown and gave the speech in a t-shirt. Best honorary degree ever bestowed.

I remember my first time with a dead girl. My mom walked in on us. So embarrassing.

It's pronounced KI-YA, not CAL-A, you pandering whore.
And you have made a woefully unthreatening enemy today by including Sarah McLachlan in that halfway house, Mr. Hyden.

I always feel bad for fake firsties because you'll notice by the time signatures that they actually read the story, got to the end, and thought they'd actually be the first poster. A real firstie posts immediately, reads never.

Why does this ride still exist?
If I want ridiculously outdated information on other cultures, can't I just get it from Carlos Mencia?

Not to generalize, but you Canadians have a reputation for being decent, friendly people. America used to have that. It breaks my heart that Wal-Mart is trying to take it away from you, too. As an employee of a competitor, I'm going to work extra hard from now on.

puns not lowest form of humor
I believe I personally innovated the new lowest form of humor in 1997, when for the 1st time, I attempted to merge into the drive-thru lane at a mcdonald's. Similar to a pun in that I was the only one laughing, yet combined with sub-Tom Green ingenuity. Definitely baser than puns.

most delayed raction ever
Glenn Beck has a retarded daughter? I thought that skipped a generation. Also, any art critic who claims that a modern abstract painting is too "good" to have been done by a child is fucking with you.

corn dog man
Can't believe only one person's mentioned this. It's tremendously affecting, despite being very poorly made. I couldn't think a racist thought after watching that movie if I wanted to. It doesn't come close to being as shocking or disturbing as these other movies, but I'll be damned if I want to see it…

snuh
I would have been happier if Bruce had gone BitUSA on every song and decided the lyrics must never fit with the music. Also, I don't know the context of the title track, so I can't figure out what it's doing on this album.