I always liked Edge. Maybe it was the name. Or was it the beard?

He's everyone's dad now. I called my dad today to inform him that I will be calling Stacy Keach on Father's Day. No hard feelings.

I suppose. I just got really tired of her after "Jesse". I'm an adult now and I'm supposed to care about "Itsy Bitsy Spider"? I don't even have children!

That's no way to make a living.

He can play Han Solo! Han Solo doesn't like to talk to people anymore.

Have you seen her hair? Wait. His hair? Well that would have been embarrassing on a woman but that's just horrifying on a man. Is he trying to look like a woman on chemo for breast cancer? Then why is he flaunting those breasts? Is he just rubbing those women's noses in their lack of healthcare?

She thinks I'm good in bed and I'm not gonna tell her the truth about that either.

…and everyone else. Mexico is the real melting pot.

Tell Trump that.

We only pretended to watch Family. We actually watched Eight Is Enough.

I am impressive but I wouldn't claim 12 x 12.

It wash jusht shomething you shaid.

Who can tell?

Is This Is Us a gritty reboot of Marcus Welby, M.D.?

I've done worse for a kiss.

He's not that contagious. I think you'd have to fuck him to catch it.

Are you Carol Channing?

Are you telling me that he wasn't acting in The Great Santini?

…because enough people like it so he gets paid for Shouty Schtick.

They walk like Egyptians down in Memphis.