so since television will no longer be beamed out over public airwaves, and therefore is no longer under the jurisdiction of the FCC (who've been getting away with censorship of speech, in contradiction of the constitution, for years) let the cursing and floppity titties begin! fuck the children, i wanna see taint!

the pentaverate
it's all a conspiracy to make us buy cable. now if you'll excuse me, it's been precisely two weeks since i've gustated me some of the colonel's recipe.

on occasion, the winds of fortune breathe whispers of xanadu, from origins afar, across the moat and the drawbridge which traverses it, through the door of oak that greets all guests entering the 13th century castle whence your humble servant resides, carrying that proprietor, nay OWNER, of the sum of all wit, of…

flight of the valkyries makes me nut every time i hear it. i can't watch apocalypse now in polite company.

by the by, that's kind of a first, init? kinda? can i get some?

wow, did you guys just piss your pants and have an out of body experience? 'cause i didn't.

why didn't you just follow the snickers wrappers back home?

is it a little awkward when you try to beat off in front of them?

"why do they keep letting grammar police back on the force?"

pedro negro would ass-fuck babwa wawa.

i'm the magnificent
i'm finally firs…………ah, fuck!

jesus, "hipster fags"? was that really necessary? some of us like conan, you like letterman. you don't need to go off half-cocked, hurting people's feelings. i mean, wishing sour grapes on us? jeez.

you, sir, are the wind beneath my hooves.

told everyone you shot a cop to death
muthafucka you was locked down for cell phone theft!

another thing i dislike is your funky ass phones
bitch who you sellin', me or them?

you're not alone. he sucks, and has for as many years as i can remember. top ten list? when was the last time one of those was funny? his banter with paul? lame. seems like his main comedic weapon is picking a word or phrase and then repeating it ad nauseum/ad infinitum while making a face. and he let that…

he's actually becoming kit ramsay.

you have to admit, though, 7 sounds like some real hebrew shit. like schmuck, oy vey, seven, verklempt.

well, ever since she took the bridle role in "the runaway bride", roberts' career has been keeping a slower gait than one might have expected. perhaps feeling her oats in motherhood has something to do with this. parker, meanwhile, should have had a relative feedbag of parts in which to apple her various skills,…

they had to change the name to "the tonight show band" because "the max weinberg 7" sounded too jewy for the 11:30 crowd.