That wasn't real hair. We shaved it off of Derek Jacobi.

You're right, Morn. In retrospect, I should have emphasized voyeurism and furious masturbation.

[Breaks down and cries] It's harder than it looks! I'm retiring to the Cotswolds to nurse my broken (metal) heart.

The Picard Maneuver
I've refrained from telling this story for many years, out of shame, embarrassment, what you will. However, as I am now a knight of the realm and kajillionaire, I feel it's time to make clean breast of the whole sordid affair.

As a committed Method actor, I prepared for an RSC production of Henry V by leading a small invasion force to France. Unfortunately, we were turned away at Dover by a bemused customs official who insisted that we couldn't take a trebuchet on the Channel ferry. We were unable to reach Calais and commandeer the Fine…

Well, he did once suggest that I take part in "a sandwich". I'm not certain what he meant by that.

"Et n'etaient-ce pas de nobles et calmes modeles de beaute humaine que je voyais la, devant la mer, comme des statues exposees au soleil sur un rivage de la Grece?"

As a gentleman, I refuse to comment on this. However, I did once accidentally grab Gates McFadden's breasts while we were filming.

Call that captaining, do you
What a ridiculous costume.

I had rather a reputation as an Uno player in my youth.

I attempted to keep my phaser firmly in check during my holiday on Risa, but (alas) it was not to be.

After giving this matter careful consideration, I would suggest HEAH!! And no further. However, I am willing to entertain options at this point.

I thought I looked rather fetching in my later-season jacket.

I often felt that my fellow cast-mates lacked a certain discipline on the set.

I regretted losing my hair at such a young age. However, in retrospect, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I find this discussion of my sexual proclivities both obvious and vulgar.