Step two: instead of 'shit' say 'poo', like 'bull-poo' 'poo head' or 'this poo is cold'.

Also, as long as we're discussing fine Chinese cuisine, I'd like to recommend Mary Chung in Cambridge, MA for when you someone eat it.

Panda/Family/Moon/DRAGON

You'll do some time for fingering a 13 year old, that's for sure.

He looks like a gay Tyler Perry?
Tyler Perry looks like a gay Tyler Perry.

That was a shitty joke. Shittier than your usual, Caruso. I'm a fan of what you do, but that one was pretty terrible.

Dirt don't hurt + Black don't crack = Nobody punched Rihanna.

"In this post-9/11 world, everything's just so topsy-turvy, you know? It's like, if Rihanna's face knew about the whereabouts of a timebomb, y'all would have the CIA in here smacking her around. I mean, I was pretty heavily invested with Bernie Madoff, and after that whole thing, I guess I just felt turned around,…

Easy, Grampa.

Harry Dean Stankmot Mulrooney Diamond Phillips Seymour Hoffman.

The mid-90's, when Comedy Central would show some reruns of Soap, MST3K, KitH, WLiiA? and when they were done with that, they'd show stand-up comedy ALL THE FUCK DAY.

M: How do you feel about the Planet of the Apes?
T: Uhh… the movie, or the planet?
M: The all-new Broadway MUSICAL, starring you as… 'the human'.
T: It's the part I was born to play, baby!

Don't feed the Mogwai after midnight.

I guess I'm old too. I used to watch the Twilight Zone all the time.

Because fuck that.

Seconded.

I heart Final Draft.

The costumes in the first movie were fucking epic.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Either Three 6 Mafia or Beck.