And "To Kill a Mockingbird" gave me no useful advice
on killing mockingbirds.

Not to be "That Guy," but Bangor, Maine is not exactly a small town.

Better yet:

My son and I once watched a seagull and a blue crab go at each other in a cove in Maine. It did not end well for the crab, despite superior armor and massive (and remarkably swift) claws. To quote him, "Man, don't screw with seagulls — they're relentless."

I've been saying this since it happened: These guys weren't American heroes, they were hired muscle. They likely would've met the same fate defending the the Italian ambassador (theoretically), if he had bid higher for their services.

Forgive me if I'm repeating an oft-asked question, but is your screen name from "The Beast of Yucca Flats?" As in, "Flag on the moon. How did it get there?"

And he better stay away from my hot dog.

I never thought I'd miss gimmick David Caruso, but…

Raisins in brownies?

I thought the same thing. A "new way of thinking?" — next thing you know they'll be reading books other than the bible.

The real Sister-Wives of Salt Lake City?

"Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison.

Pure gold, PW, but you left out Roger Daltrey's scream.

I'm just sucker for a man in a cape and a beanie, I suppose.

Now Bishop Fulton J. Sheen…
THERE was a man with fashion sense.

In other news…
Jim Belushi says don't be mean to Zoroastrians.