(Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman

Glad I'm not the only one who references AV Club comments in real life conversation. Whenever I mention my masturbation methods (usually while drunk), I admit that "I cry whenever I jerk off! It's an ouroboros hose of jizz and tears."

Thank you! I'll be here until I get a job. Fuck you, Great Recession!

"Do you like fishsticks?"

My girlfriend said I shouldn't even tell you guys jokes. She said that if I wanted to make you laugh, I should just pull down my pants and show you my penis. I'm just kidding - I don't have a girlfriend.

I initially read your name as Professor_Cumberbatch and my twiddlywinks got in a ruffle.

World War I: This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

I watched Sideways instead; haven't seen it in years. What a wonderful, bittersweet and humanistic movie. I hope I am not the only one who relates to Paul Giamatti's character to an almost startling degree.

I liked the one that was trying to get me to buy things.

Did anyone else catch Al Roker mentioning "sharting"?

They look like Linkin Park in this picture. Make of that what you will.

Unfortunately, Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream is pretty lacking. The ice cream cone chunks get all moist and chewy, which is quite gross.

From wino to rhino. Seems logical, given how the alphabet is best backwards.

"Our band had been neither famous nor fabulous, but we’d had some great times and made some recordings I remain proud of."

This man is more successful than I will ever be.
That makes me sad.

What? The Cabin in the Woods won Best Picture? I knew that would happen!

Coraline was much better than Monkeybone and deserves a spot on this list.

"Embarrassed"? I know that word - that's how my Mom said she felt about me!

Between Grinderman, the Bad Seeds, Violent Femmes and How to Destroy Angels (Trent Reznor! Live! Again!), this seems like an awesome festival.