HAHA HEY-O! Let's give Charles Hamm another round of applause. The kid knows the funny, trust me on this, he's going places. You know what's funny about Chuck, he grew up on a farm. I'm not kidding about this! In fact we were talking about it the other day and he said to me "We once had a cow that was born without…

You have any other material? I'm always looking for someone to join the team!

Everyone give it up for Merk! I think that kid has got a future in this biz, take it from me, I know funny!

Hey everybody, lets hear it for Dharma Bumstead, the kid's going places. You should have been backstage, Dharma was jumping for Joy after. Of course that is because Joy was stuck to the roof.
But seriously folks…

Hey now! Let's hear it for Les Neals Shawnauxes. Give him a hand, nice set. So anyway, I think its time for marriage equality in this country. Did you hear melons can't get married? Its true, they cantaloupe! But seriously folks…

Hey now! Lets have a hand for M.I. Wright, that kid is going places. Speaking of going places, what did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane? "ME!!!" But seriously folks…

Let's hear it for Xenu! You might not know this but Xenu has some really strange causes he's passionate about. Last I spoke to him he said he was trying to register polar bears to vote! Yeah, really! Said he'd make sure on election day they all went up to the North Poll.

^ That's hilarious! You should open for me sometime, youngster!

Now this is a rare treat! Let's have a hand for that crazy duo BeingTCB and 3rd prize youre fired. And when I say these cats are crazy, that is no exaggeration! They're so crazy that to get through the forest, they take the psycho path!

How about another hand for that George Bush? You know, George has an interesting take on banking. The other day he tells me he put all of his money in the freezer. When I asked why he said "I always want access to cold, hard cash."

Hey-O! Let's hear it for Flaubert Cooper. You know, not very many people know this, but Flaubert comes from a long line of Russian immigrants. Yeah, true story. In fact he used to have a bit of the old Ruskie accent himself. When I first introduced him to Pac-Man he asked "Dots all you ever talk about?".

Hey-O! Let's give it up for Murray Present. You know Murray told me the other morning that he never once bought Christmas seals. He said he wouldn't know what to feed them.

How about one more round of applause for Herkermer Homolka? You know, Herkermer and I are actually neighbors. Yeah, no kidding. Funny story about that though, the other day I was in the front yard mowing grass, when Herkermer came out of his house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, then slammed it shut…

Let's give it up for Copper C, who by the way…actually, does anyone know what the fuck that guy is talking about? He's like Larry King with Super Duper Alzheimer's! But Copper, if you are worried you're coming down with the "Big A", just forget about it.

Let's give True Pud another hand.
You know, True Pud is a new dad, yeah, funny story there. The day his wife went into labor he called the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
He says, "No! This is her husband!"

Wow, how about that Lou Whitaker? Let's give him another hand! You know, Lou tried his hand at farming before he got into this gig. Didn't go too well though. I mean he pampered his cows like they were princesses, problem is, all they produced was spolied milk!

How about another hand for strayfarce? I don't care what his girlfriend says, I think he's a hell of a guy! And by hell of a guy I mean he's going to burn in hell, of course.

How about that Superdeformed? Let's give him another hand. You know, its not commonly talked about, but Superdeformed is actually a bit of a religious nut. I ran into him backstage earlier and asked what he was up to. He said "I'm fixin' to make up a batch of holy water." I asked him how he goes about doing that, and…

How about that MikeStrange? Lets give Mike another hand. You know Mike is only moonlighting here, his day job is over at Bed, Bath and Beyond. He's in the "Beyond" department.

How about that Skunk Ape? And what an outfit! I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale, am I right? Am I right? Look at that guy!