You can pay me by the word to do it, as long as you leave space for paragraph-long captions written in stream of consciousness.

Did somebody say "refrain?"

Watch out- I hear you can catch CancerAIDS from Emmy statuettes.

If she didn't dress so butch all the time, perhaps she could get a man.

We'd like to perform a song called "The Skeletons of Qinto."

Thank God for model trains. Without them, where would they have gotten the idea for the big onses?

Curses, another advantage for the Cheerios that will not benefit the glee club.

Oh good, at least we can talk about the two different Mark Hammills who played Luke Skywalker.

Me!

If that was a convoluted attempt to inoculate yourself against failed firstie CancerAIDS, die in a fire. If not, then I regret to inform you that she did not die of AIDS. And die in a fire.

Winning in a fire, you mean.

That's not what your mom said.

I heard that the Twilight films are never going to end! Or maybe that's just how it feels when you're watching them. I forget.

Crappity crap. That wasn't an attempted firstie. Really.

I thought Catching Fire was the weakest, because, to paraphrase Roger Rabbit, they couldn't break out of the arena at ANY time, only when it was funny.

I don't understand why they call this one-click bamboo flooring. It clicks every time I walk on it wearing Louboutins.

Splitters!
The first two books end with pretty wicked cliffhangers, so I'm not sure when they expect to break it up.

Since when is body hair to "retain odor" and not to keep the body warm? You're a fucking moron, and I strongly suspect neither a doctor nor handsome.

Where was this guy when King of Queens was still on the air?

Hootie's a FLIP FLOPPER? Heck, up until now, I thought he was just a flop-flopper.