I want a song that accurately sums me up as a person and the impression that I have left upon the world.

These days, when my brother and I talk about Uncle Donald, we prefer to picture him as a kindly old man with yellow-tinged white hair - the consequence of his lifelong addiction to high tar cigarettes. He dressed in a beige cardigan whose pockets overflowed with used tissues and Werthers Originals that had somehow…

The outdoor setting of the Open Air Theatre in London's Regent's Park can work for or against it.

When John Conner first laid eyes upon the ruins of New York, he had assumed them to be the remnants of an immense, deep sea coral reef, exposed to the raging winds by the receding waters of the Atlantic Ocean. The following morning, the dust storm had abated. He was able to determine that what he had thought to be the…

My original Xbox – the last gaming console I purchased - has never expressed any interest in my personal life. At best, it retains vague, snapshot recollections of my attempts to superimpose my humdrum life onto that of a buxom female archaeologist as she searches for Excalibur, or a member of the US special forces…

'Battle of the Planets' was the neutered American edit of a Japanese animation called 'Science Ninja Team Gatchaman' - a title that, were it not for the stoke of the censor, would have permanently blown the fragile eggshell minds of every child under the age of 7 in the decadent west. The watered-down version of this…

“I am Woden, chief of all the gods. I'm putting a team together…”

After Tom Six has finished paying homage to The Shawshank Redemption (I assume Morgan Freeman will be narrating) I propose the following sequels:

I arrive at the home of the Gilmores, in sun-dappled Stars Hollow, where my English preference for tea over coffee is immediately regarded with bemusement and suspicion.

“BY JUPITER'S BOUNTIFUL COCK, IT HAS ARRIVED!” I thundered, as I marched into the kitchen, holding aloft my DVD copy of Spartacus: War of the Damned, like a captured Roman standard, wrenched from the bloody, partially severed-hand of a dying centurion.