Stop it right now.

Bart: He's great at pointing out everyone's foibles.
Larry: Hey, how're ya doing. Ooh! Look at your hair! What happened?
You saw yourself in the mirror?
Bart: He's kiddin', Mom. But seriously, I'd love to have hair like
yours. I just can't get the zoning permits.
Lisa: Hey, that reminds me, Mom;…

Then it could be the ultimate lazy, shitty joke!

This is only tangentially-related to your story, but one time I had a cool older cousin come down from Missouri to our house for summer vacation and she brought her best friend along whom I immediately developed a crush on. We all went to see the Blair Witch Project but I got carded and had to watch the only other…

IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TWEET US AT #MESSYJESSE

Sending those craps to Belize.

I know a lot of people are rooting for the witty "Meth Damon" to be the go-to nickname for Todd, but it just doesn't have the snappy, non-sensical anger of "Ricky Hitler."

Talking Trek hosted by Matt Jones would be a welcome replacement for Talking Bad.

"Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!" is the line of the film.

"If word gets out about this, Krazy Klown Airlines will be a laughingstock!"

"Just gimme another beer, you brain-dead hick! I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!"

There isn't a Simpsons line I found funnier than this one as a kid. Well, maybe "And there's only one big toilet, and they make you all go at the same time."

LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF…

Based on recent revelations, Eakin should obviously be playing Rock N' Roll Jeopardy, instead.

"THIS IS THE WAY IT'S BEEN SO THIS IS THE WAY IT ALWAYS SHOULD BE. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'VE PLACED THE CHARACTERS IN A MASSIVELY-ALTERED TIMELINE." - You on August 16, 2013.

I didn't know there were two records between Semisonic's big hit LP and Chemistry.

Love, Dad

Pardon me?

"If doing the VanDerWerff is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on earth!"

Whoops. I would have just commented here if I'd seen it first, but I'm pretty sure Jake Fogelnest is behind that one. It's fucking hilarious.