Goodness sir, you seem like an absolute delight.

I didn't see this, but I like Beyonce just fine. I would have watched the whole thing though if they'd gotten Kate McKinnon to narrate it with her Ann Romney impression.

It's nice to have yet another reason to despise her.

It's still an off-color comparison to make though, right? I mean, he didn't sustain those injuries as a result of racial violence.

Chalky Whitesnake.

Remember Kanye rapping on "Through The Wire" that his girlfriend was "scared as hell that her guy look like Emmett Till?" I'm surprised he didn't get similar flack over that lyric.

"I hope that's not a hostage."

I never miss an opportunity to share the truly terrific and terrible original short story:

Maybe the book will be the season finale and we will follow the adventures of Crozier and his jolly band of sailing men as they encounter new monsters across the seven seas every week!

Holy shit I just watched that ambulance chase scene.

I wonder how they can "I Am Legend" this one up real nice. Matheson being heavily involved and describing it as a "existential action movie" is nice to hear, but surely this movie could benefit from…I don't know…at least TWO Pinkett-Smiths?

This post will never not be hilarious to me until the day it doesn't include "consistently and thoroughly."

"Moon. Pie. What a time to be alive."

I'm beginning to think one's enjoyment of The Californians is directly proportional to one's enjoyment of Fred Armisen. In which case I am an unwitting SUPERFAN of The Californians.

I really wish he'd stop walking up and down my street at night, reciting random passages from "The Raven" and devouring brains.

If anything MORE SOUND EFFECTS!

"I want to talk about that topless park idea that a local hero brought up" was such a Wittels-y line. He was wonderful in this episode.

If you liked them that much you should really take Sims' advice and listen to their appearances on Comedy Bang Bang. Tremendously funny improvisation.

I laughed at this comment, and then I cried.

SHE WANTS THE F.