an open letter to the people who have been opening my letters:

I love Thayer!

lets face it: you don't get really good at skiing without being able to afford some expensive equipment and a shit ton of lift tickets.

no, he switched the company's primary mission to loading things into boxes for people with the help of Leif Garret and Danny Bonaduce.

you can always tell a racial punk just by looking at them.

DING DING DING! we've found the one person who's apathetic about child molestation AND beloved cultural icons!

I don't recall, was the interpretive dance all about the entire history of the region in a linear fashion thing yet set in stone as what Olympic opening ceremonies must always be about by the time the Atlanta or Utah Olympics happened?

pro-tip: always claim the purchase of a doomsday device operated by neural implant on your taxes. they won't dare audit you.

Chicago only has one?

my god, the 20th century history portion of the dance: they much have bought out the world's stockpiles of whitewash!

but if you believe that members of the family have been poisoned against Woody, and manipulated into believing a horrible story that is not true, you should at least be able to understand how they might have very strong feelings against Woody. if they are proceeding from the premise that the story is true, then you…

I'm not arguing the merits of the case here. I'm merely saying that if someone were molested, or even merely sincerely believed they had been molested, then it seems reasonable for that person to feel that a member of their immediate family who denies the claim is dead to them. if I had gone through that (or again,…

if there were any other circumstance that could fill in for that, believe me, I would have devised a metaphor around it. but I just couldn't think of one that seemed like it would function to help imagine this from another point of view without grossly trivializing the matter.

you wouldn't even wish that nobody would ever be raped? that seems like it would solve both problems.

imagine you had been molested by your father. okay, that's a big leap, granted, and not something anyone would like to think about. but just for the sake of trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes, let's say that happened. and imagine your brother knew about it. maybe he wasn't abused likewise, but imagine he…

"Dear bank teller,

that obliviousness reminded me a lot of Ariel Castro's statement following
his conviction. he genuinely didn't seem to understand what he had done
wrong. I don't know how he could not understand that, but who knows,
maybe that's a common thing with some sexual predators. or maybe they
just do unbelievable mental…

*Spike Lee angrily tweets the address of an Ethan Allen furniture store*

[in regards to the Yale-New Haven Hospital report] "Could it be any clearer? "

complete transcript of the pitch meeting: