Whoa, whoa, whoa. The Oscars may be meaningless, but that's just mean.

Nice beaver!

I was going to mention that time when Ricky Gervais said that the three things you can't talk about on Sesame Street are drugs, child abuse and the Holocaust. But then I remembered that Elmo was in that video, and that covers 2 of the 3.

From the very first episode you could tell Stephen Colbert was going to be somebody.

Idaho? No, you da ho.

Not to take anything away from Ayatollah Colm Meaney, but the time Cookie Monster replied to one of my posts I was in a state of absolute euphoria.

Oui, oui!

I know the acronym wouldn't fit, but it just feels like that should be SCROTUS.

Well, that settles it.  If Dan visits your school, you'll lose the Rose Bowl.

And that little boy grew up to produce the true filthiest form of pornography.

And that little boy grew up to produce the true filthiest form of pornography.

Biological incest, or any point down that path, is a kink too far for Dan. On the occasions when it shows up in the column, he shows pure revulsion.

Biological incest, or any point down that path, is a kink too far for Dan. On the occasions when it shows up in the column, he shows pure revulsion.

I've already found not just nudes, but hard core lez home pictures of a woman I know. If you think people you know will never find your random dirty pics in a sea of porn, you are wrong.

I've already found not just nudes, but hard core lez home pictures of a woman I know. If you think people you know will never find your random dirty pics in a sea of porn, you are wrong.

Stephen Fry.

Stephen Fry.

Postal worker.

Postal worker.

"Plot Keywords: Bald | Black Cop | Fedora | Lollipop | Remake"