He's the successful, handsome, podcast loving nerd I pretend to be!

I keep meaning to pick this book up

I'll buy a ticket now for that honestly

Hmmmmmmmm

The cool thing is if you're a dork and only have 50 people following you and they're all your friends anyway it gets very easy to tell that Noah is tired of my I mean your cat photos

Those make me sad because who is looking at their follower count so much [frantically refreshes to see if all my exes are still following]

You knew what you were doing cutting your sandwich that way

Is that technically breech of contract?

My secret shame is I refresh instagram all day

#spon

Just like Halle Bopp

🐝🍋

Ugh I know like, we get it Patty you want to fuck that dude from Walnut Surprise and never meant to marry Walter but jesus could you just relax a little? And hey Walter? You're whole MTR schtick is noble but dull as hell.

We're violent thugs who also cry when people say mean words to us with great plans to destroy everything America loves and holds ideal but we're also too stupid to e—hmm wait what am I describing?

it didn't get any better :\

I think it works for them most of the time though, they're like broadway songs made into weird indie-pop which works for me on a lot of levels. But it's I guess a real delicate balance to maintain.

Stupid sea pigeon, looking at me like that. Please! You're also at the beach with no friends.

a+

the swamp was in your heart the whole time

also a hot take: this groundhoug day musical isn't very good but I'm only finishing up act one right now