When the AVClub did their best short story collections of the decade they didn't mention Hill was King's son. I bought 20th century ghosts, read it, then found out afterward. I was all like awhawhawhat?

Yeah? Maybe you were the chick with the dick. You always have to look within. The movie should have made you look within.

Man: the oppressor starring Lorenzo Lamas as Kick Thrustworthy

I cry at the end of sex because it's not with my uncle

While were on the subject of crying
I will pretend not to notice that you cry at the end of Oprah, American Idol, Hot Dog… the Movie, breakfast, sex, etc.

Sawyer: Everybody stop following me! (Turns and walks away, directions to where he's headed "fall" out of his pocket)

simple equation
LOST - Locke - Ben + Sawyer crying = waste of an hour

mans gotta eat

You sayin' that about me?
I'm no pusher. I never have pushed.

This old chestnut
Ok, I'm just gonna finish searching this place…this one last closet should do it…just need to…put my hand on the knob…then turn it…wait, somebody's calling me

affinity for toaster pastries

Rest ye head
when i go to taco bell i put both of my hands behind my back and then hold up a random number of fingers then i put my hands in front of me and look at how many fingers im holding up and thats the number meal i get

AWESOME!

i never saw a skeleton with eyes so far apart…but i have seen a skeleton i want to bang…and its agent skeleton hotness, ctu

where's the Teddy biopic where someone makes fun of his glasses so he puts their head through a table, orders a beer, gives it to the guy and says "sorry for working you, here's a beer"

another nonownage moment, Bauer putting a piece of bed in Aceveda's arm

Esq.

Fake Gallagher Too Also Jr. the Second

Gallagher always found watermelons middle of the road at best

I lost my insurance once because i kept hitting candy bars with tennis rackets