Okay another one: even though I have no right to know, I remain deeply curious about the PFT/Scharpling falling-out. Got any dirt there?

This is Trump we're talking about. I guarantee he expects every woman to go with "salad and water with a slice of lemon."

Hey, don't try to out-cynic me! I said "was." Little of what I mentioned exists anymore, anywhere. I was just waxing nostalgic.

I'm honestly scared that come 2018 this Nazi stuff will have faded and be remembered as an Overreaction On All Sides, but the memory that will really stick with dumbass voters is Crazy Leftists Want To Destroy America's History.

Of course everyone has some innate biases, but I feel like there was at least recognized universal journalistic standards: check and vet your sources, obtain confirmation, acknowledge contributors, avoid the passive voice, don't present arguments that jump from A to C without B, keep commentary in its own silo, etc.

That's the dream, isn't it? But I'm afraid once news stopped being a civic good and became just another form of ratings-based entertainment (but only all day!), it was pretty much over.

Niagara please.

It does go well with the chicken!

I assume we're just saying "of course" to The Rock? Because like there's even a choice.

To each their own! Pratt just reeks of College Boyfriend to me.

If FMK had a "Casually date for 6-8 months, make some good memories, and then amicably move on" option, I suspect Pratt would walk away with it.

Yeah, the Democrats always inherit a crap sandwich, and suffer from bad optics for not immediately fixing things. Then, in the second term when policies are actually starting to take effect there's no spotlight at all—too wonky, too elite. So when the Republicans inevitably get into office again, they're the ones able…

Pour one out for Tabasco. Thanks to the Sriracha-Industrial Complex, Tabasco has become the hotmail of hot sauces.

And you just know that some section of their corporate office refers to them as 'clients.'

Why didn't they emphasize that Victor lost his virginity to a woman wearing a mask of his own face? That's monkey's paw level wish-fulfillment right there.

But how else are we supposed to know who has the most badass ear necklace?

But remember, kids: teachers are the real heroes!

Every jerk-off like this thinks that they're going to be the one man with the marksmanship, strategy and survivalist savvy to become the post-apocalyptic King of America, instead of the fodder that dies in the first days. They truly believe they're the leads in an epic action fantasy—it's just that it's stuck in…

Where do you live, Gilead?

Some people have a visceral reaction to words, most famously words like "moist", "slurp", or "curdle." I'm the same. For instance, I'm developing this weird knee-jerk fury in response to the phrase "officers acquitted."