"I'm a convicted felon who just needed a new identity to start a new life and get my kids back."

In the old days of the Internet, if somebody pulled that shit you could ship off a nice little binbomb to their address and try to fry their equipment. Too hard these days, though.

I knew somebody who had her identity stolen and the person who took it actually managed to improve her credit score.

What's green and smells like Miss Piggy?

Tried that in high school. My natural greasiness put the kibosh on that notion.

"Let me tell you about the Good News of our Lord, Henson."

Free Popplers?

Maybe now they can find somebody who can do the voice right.

Starring John Travolta and Christian Slater?

That girl with the Irish accent was pretty cute.

Like Ernest Goes To Hell.

I don't have that kind of attention span. I like 12-minute shows like Dream Corp LLC.

That smacks of Scientology.

Update my avatar but use the same kid? I like it.

There's too much TV on TV.

Weird Al.

"Incest and attempted rape, sonny."

There were a number of those post-Animal House "raucous" comedies that came out at that time, most of them starring some SNL person. Very few were any good.

Eh. What's to say?

They could go now. Lots of spaces opened up for visitors.