I read this and got choked up and did a slow clap. I swear I did. And you know what? I feel like things are gonna be different for me now. This whole crazy experience has really opened my eyes. I need to change, and I will. Goddamn it, I will. Thank you, AV Club Comment Section. Thank you.

First of all, Spicoli323, you can't fix this car no matter HOW good of a TV repair man your father is. I know he's got a major set of tools, but just look at it… It's totaled! And secondly, you cut me I bleed. Simple as that. Maybe I'm lookin' for love in all the wrong places. Yeah, I'll admit it. Maybe I'm a troll.…

Hey, guys. It's me: Vincent Sabella. I'm posting here now as Chim Richalds (my Christian name) because apparently criticizing the AV Club for being too irony-dependent is akin to being horribly racist or something. Or maybe it was my reference to the actor David Morse? Granted, he is a monster. But still… what a…