My father always called it The Masque of the Red Death. But he was both severely mentally disturbed and usually drunk. My mom finally divorced him.

The Collected Works of Kim Jong Il currently run to over three million words. And he's not done yet. So you've got lots and lots to shoot for, Pilgrim. No matter what McRib says.

Real Estate school. Where they get polyester blazers instead of diplomas.

I help maintain the clandestine black helicopter fleet of a nonexistent government agency that's run by Gillian Anderson.

Probably the loser of the Mega Shark v. Monster Octopus fight, PH.

Lohan plays the tranny Tattoo. Harrelson reprises the role of Mr. Rorke. Morissette and Matthews take turns playing the 1983 Chrysler Cordoba. Lohan's skin plays the rich, Corinthian leather.

Sorry, Raymond. Tragedy is only possible when the protagonist possesses some inherent nobility.

Not even Zen ZMF can muster any optimism for this one.

All she has to do [searches for sunglasses] is look in the mirror.

I find distaff sarcasm so alluring, Riff. Promise me that you'll never change.

Not if turns out to be a snuff film.

I think it's called a play on words! Sometimes it works!

Frosty McG just ACTS like he's pissed, CD. Best Buy is only his day job. On his own time, he's the scout for the area home invasion crew.

If I may, Juggernaut-Southern Hospitality is a house with many mansions, some of them containing certain, well…"graces" that are "peculiar strange." Y'all come see us, but if you talk enough shit, you just might wind up as compost.