Just so people don't get confused which part it is: Th3 Hobbit: Battl3 of th3 Fiv3 Armi3s

So this movie probably won't fulfill my Lego Star Wars fantasy of of having two Boba Fetts team up to wreak havoc on the Death Star and defeat the Emperor themselves, occasionally stopping to ambush each other with thermal detonators.

What? Don't be silly, everyone just gets grayer hair and slightly more exaggerated lines on their face when they age.

My interest in this project briefly spiked when I started wondering about the context in which a CGI penis could appear in a run-of-the-mill PG-13 comedy, but that only lasted until I scrolled back up the page and found it was rated R.

Oh boy, another formulaic score that sounds like it was cranked out by robots working on a soundtrack assembly line!

I managed to accidentally screw up Eagle's Tower without realizing it the first time I played through the game. The large metal ball somehow got stuck on the wrong floor of the dungeon, where I could never access it, but I spent a few weeks trying everything I could think of because I assumed it was a difficult…

It's been hard to figure out how I feel about this. It doesn't really take anything away from the movie by existing, but at the same time it just feels so unnecessary that I can't really imagine watching it unless it somehow turns out to be utterly phenomenal as a whole.

edit: nvm

Love this game. Relative to the system it's on, I've always felt that it's actually a bit better than Link to the Past - the design and controls feel a bit tighter, the music is more varied (different tunes for each dungeon, many featuring variations on a particular theme), and most of all, the writing is much more…

Now all I can think of is Locutus as some sort of virtual proctor for the AV Club comments page, tolerating but mildly disapproving of the lowbrow humor running rampant on the boards.

In the top couple scores ever, in my opinion. Oddly enough, without some of my biggest problems with the film (endless stretches of special effects sequences), the score probably wouldn't have been nearly as great. You'd likely end up with a very good, but much more standard, action/sci-fi score, more like on some of…

My interest shot down as abruptly as it had arisen when I saw it would be just one of the new films. Their music's OK as background during the movie, I guess, but that's about it - nothing on par with (many of) the classic films. At least it's not the Voyage Home score, I suppose.

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I'd have to think the filmgoing public would get sick of superhero movies before too long at that rate, not even counting any non-Marvel films. I've been a die-hard fan for ages, and even now I can't bring myself to care about most big superhero flicks until they're out on DVD any more, and sometimes not even then.…

Where does "many more" rank compared to such descriptors as "and the rest" or "etc."?

Wait, Adam Sandler's involved? My interest level just plummeted from a mild glimmer to an incalculably large negative number.

RATED R

I'm glad it was mentioned, but the article really only needed to be two words long: Police Squad!

But that would require inserting baseball-sized contact lenses into her eye sockets. Entertaining, perhaps, but terrifying on a somewhat deeper level.

Is it okay if I imagine this being read in the voice of the late Orson Welles?